Most of them are meaningless now that I've forgotten why I wrote them down. Words like "contentious". That was obviously wrote down so that I might look it up in the dictionary and expand my vocabulary or get more meaning from something I heard. Yet the dictionary remains closed.
Or there's a name, Lisa Terkeurst, and a question, "Who holds the key to your heart?". I don't have any idea where this came from and yet when I look at it the question haunts me.
Who does hold the key to my heart? My wife of course, oh and Jesus... yeah that's it, Jesus. At least that's what I like to think. The truth is, that my pride holds the door closed most of the time.
I wrote down prayers to. Mainly to help me focus on what I was praying about. But reading them brings back memories I thought were buried in the dark corners of my consciousness. They bring tears of sorrow for lost children, broken promises and misguided dreams. They also remind me of a time when I relied more heavily on God and not so much on my own strength.
I wrote a verse to a song we sing.
"God is bigger than the air I breathe,
The world we'll leave.
God will save the day and all will say,
And then I wonder, if I truly believe that, why can't I turn the noise in my life over to Him. He is bigger than anything I can imagine. He is bigger than my little noise. He should be able to handle my little noise. Well, of course he can.
Let it go...no,wait. But isn't that what we've always been told? We only need to let it go. I'm sure I have that highlighted in my bible somewhere. OK, so here... let it go...no, wait, not yet...OK, now.